The heat here is excrutiating. Indescribable. It's been so humid so far in China that a kind of smelly fog has blocked out the sun and kept us all safe. Well no more. A thunderstorm on Saturday cleared the sky and it's 99 farenheit outside. We trekked through the rice paddies of Longji for 5 hours yesterday and, unable to take the heat I removed my top.
Well I got a little burned and I've got the most ridiculous tan mark across my back and chest now where I was carrying my bag. Had to walk round with an umbrella all day today!
OK so when I left you I was eating breakfast at a Normandy cafe with cockroaches in the tables. We stayed at the Fawlty Towers Hotel that night and the one after which turned out to be not such a disaster as its namesake might suggest. I did hand some clothes in to be washed and got them back wet and smelly the next day but otherwise it was one of the best hotels so far. I was propositioned by 3 prostitutes along the 100m walk from the bar I was at to the hotel one evening but location isn't necessarily everything when you've had to sleep with grey pillows and a squat toilet in your room!
The stay in Yangshuo was rather action packed! We managed to go swimming through mud in a cave, cycle for miles in the pouring rain along dirt tracks, go Commorand fishing, climb a small mountain and still save enough time to get plastered on numerous occasions.
On Saturday we stayed at a guest house in the Longji valley. The scenery is perhaps the most amazing thing I've ever seen and the guesthouses were pretty interesting too. They build them themselves out of what smells like eucalyptus trees. I'd guess the the buildings are about 95% timber with no kind of insulation or anything and the plumbing is just a bunch of hoses leading in and out of the squat toilets. What this means is that if you're on the 4th floor you can hear people moving around in the reception. This morning we were woken up by the guesthouse's cockrels that cock-a -doodled from about 6-7 in the morning until we left at 9. I could hear Erin (the leader) shouting 'Motherf**er downstairs every time they made a noise. Anyway I have more to say but alas no time. Will try to fill in the blanks next time.
Thanks for all the emails. It's good to see lots of you are reading this. FYI Tom: Erin's the only yank in the group, The Hoser (meaning Canadian equivalent of a chav) (someone who wears a took, eats doughnuts and shovels snow)(Ricky, Lahey and co.)(Tom, check out 'Strange Brew' Canadian TV show) is Canadian. The rest are just happy to be on holiday and look cheesy.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Rats! We're in Yangshuo
I have a cold. But it's my fault I got too drunk.
The acrobatics were amazing, amongst other things we saw plate spinning whilst standing on poles, a woman that did ballet on her head on a pole and 5 motorbikes driving round the inside of the 'cage of death'. I've never seen anything like it!
Had an excellent day on Sunday. It was raining from the start and we got completely lost after the taxi driver dropped us of at a location of his choice. It was all going to sh*t when we bumped into a Chinese guy who offered to take a photo of us. He turned out to be a complete legend - Colin Powell (Xhiao), but he preferred and introduced himself as the former. He warned us against the tea house we asked him directions to and instead took us to one down an alley and up some stairs that turned out to be a lovely place although the toilets left a little to be desired. They were across the corridor in another building and were kept under lock and key but the bowl of rancid cabbage outside didn't bode well for a comfortable visit to the facility. I don't know who they were trying to keep out of here:
BOG
But the tea house was fantastic. We spent about 2 hours drinking all kinds of tea that were meant to do all kinds of stuff from releasing phlegm to increasing sex ability. I ended up buying some wood that you can drink or suck (can't remember what it does) as well as some ginseng and a bunch of other stuff. Here we are doing said activity (note Colin's 'God Bless America' cap):
COLIN POWELL
After that we bumped into a bunch of guys that turned into an even bigger group as we walked with them to some house down a back alley which turned out to have a shop operating from within. First thing I saw when we entered was a blot meat cleaver on the table but that sort of thing is perfectly normal in China. Anyway The Hoser and I managed to haggle a couple of Ralph Lauren shirts down to 95 Yuan for the two (about 3 pounds each) although we had to walk to the end of the street with a crowd following us for them to back down on the last 5 (they wanted 220 yuan for each when they started). After that we went out on the town and got stupendously lashed before climbing the Jin Mau Tower the next day and getting stuff together for a 26 hour train ride! Well we're now in Yangshuo, a smaller village towards the south. It's beautiful but unfortunately has some sanitary probs. There was a rat in the bar last night and cockroaches in the cracks of our tables at breakfast this morning poking their little antennae up for a taste of our noodles! There were swings at the tables in the restaurant though so that kind of made up for it. Anyway I got a few photos up, it's too difficult to post them all on this site as everything's in chinese. Here's the link to them:
THE LINK TO THEM
The most important one is the group photo I guess.
The acrobatics were amazing, amongst other things we saw plate spinning whilst standing on poles, a woman that did ballet on her head on a pole and 5 motorbikes driving round the inside of the 'cage of death'. I've never seen anything like it!
Had an excellent day on Sunday. It was raining from the start and we got completely lost after the taxi driver dropped us of at a location of his choice. It was all going to sh*t when we bumped into a Chinese guy who offered to take a photo of us. He turned out to be a complete legend - Colin Powell (Xhiao), but he preferred and introduced himself as the former. He warned us against the tea house we asked him directions to and instead took us to one down an alley and up some stairs that turned out to be a lovely place although the toilets left a little to be desired. They were across the corridor in another building and were kept under lock and key but the bowl of rancid cabbage outside didn't bode well for a comfortable visit to the facility. I don't know who they were trying to keep out of here:
BOG
But the tea house was fantastic. We spent about 2 hours drinking all kinds of tea that were meant to do all kinds of stuff from releasing phlegm to increasing sex ability. I ended up buying some wood that you can drink or suck (can't remember what it does) as well as some ginseng and a bunch of other stuff. Here we are doing said activity (note Colin's 'God Bless America' cap):
COLIN POWELL
After that we bumped into a bunch of guys that turned into an even bigger group as we walked with them to some house down a back alley which turned out to have a shop operating from within. First thing I saw when we entered was a blot meat cleaver on the table but that sort of thing is perfectly normal in China. Anyway The Hoser and I managed to haggle a couple of Ralph Lauren shirts down to 95 Yuan for the two (about 3 pounds each) although we had to walk to the end of the street with a crowd following us for them to back down on the last 5 (they wanted 220 yuan for each when they started). After that we went out on the town and got stupendously lashed before climbing the Jin Mau Tower the next day and getting stuff together for a 26 hour train ride! Well we're now in Yangshuo, a smaller village towards the south. It's beautiful but unfortunately has some sanitary probs. There was a rat in the bar last night and cockroaches in the cracks of our tables at breakfast this morning poking their little antennae up for a taste of our noodles! There were swings at the tables in the restaurant though so that kind of made up for it. Anyway I got a few photos up, it's too difficult to post them all on this site as everything's in chinese. Here's the link to them:
THE LINK TO THEM
The most important one is the group photo I guess.
From left: Andy (Kenty, Kentish, Beefy); Kate (Kity Kat); {Fran; Joe; SJ; Steve} (Cambridge Massive); Alain&Mandy (The Outsiders); Chris (Hoser, The Hose Bag, Hose Head); Erin (Our Intrepid Leader) and Ching Chong (Panda Dundee). (Absent: me (taking the photo), John (Taking a shit centre-left behind wall), and Sarah (Rah Rah [K&S a.k.a The Blondes, The Girls etc.) (Presumably watching him)
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Xie xie from Shanghai
We arrived in Shanghai this morning after another 16 hour journey on the train which was actually pretty fun. After a short detox period to get over the stress of London I'm off the tea and back on the brewskis (as my Canadian roommate would say). Night before last Canada Chris (aka 'The Hoser') taught us all how to play Poker (or rather Texas Hold'em). Now I feel like I can gamble like a real man, and I got off to a good start winning both tournaments on Thurs eve! Woo hoo! I won a load of ripped up paper and ten Jiao (almost a penny) but they'll all fear me and believe my bluffs on the next round.
Yesterday we went to go visit some mentally handicapped children at Huailing School to give them a donation and eat lunch with them. They got us all up to do the chicken dance with them and 'If You're Happy and You Know it Clap Your Hands'. It was a tough experience but really eye opening and I ended up really enjoying myself. The train ride was great too - learnt a new drinking game that you can play with cards which really got the group together. Feeling exhausted today though and I've got a touch of the lurgy that's been going round the group. Nothing eciting, just a sore throat. A couple of the others have still got the runs. One of them had it bad on the train which is really my worst fear - the bogs are digusting and they lock them at each station for obvious reasons because they just jettison their load onto the tracks. Some stops are half an hour though and John was "touching cloth" before he actually got into one.
We're off to the acrobatics tonight and hoping to get up to the top of the TV tower tomorrow for cocktails. Will try and post some photos tomorrow.
Till then ...
p.s. thanks for the comments. I can't see the blog at the moment (I think Mau's minions have blocked it for some reason) but I should be able to in Honk Kong so they're not wasted.
Yesterday we went to go visit some mentally handicapped children at Huailing School to give them a donation and eat lunch with them. They got us all up to do the chicken dance with them and 'If You're Happy and You Know it Clap Your Hands'. It was a tough experience but really eye opening and I ended up really enjoying myself. The train ride was great too - learnt a new drinking game that you can play with cards which really got the group together. Feeling exhausted today though and I've got a touch of the lurgy that's been going round the group. Nothing eciting, just a sore throat. A couple of the others have still got the runs. One of them had it bad on the train which is really my worst fear - the bogs are digusting and they lock them at each station for obvious reasons because they just jettison their load onto the tracks. Some stops are half an hour though and John was "touching cloth" before he actually got into one.
We're off to the acrobatics tonight and hoping to get up to the top of the TV tower tomorrow for cocktails. Will try and post some photos tomorrow.
Till then ...
p.s. thanks for the comments. I can't see the blog at the moment (I think Mau's minions have blocked it for some reason) but I should be able to in Honk Kong so they're not wasted.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
More loose bowel movements from the middle land
Today it really rained. I'm very wet.
Apologies for the limited information on the last post. News is we're in Xi'an and I'm nursing a hangover having guzzled one too many Tsing Taos last night. Otherwise feeling exceptional!
A few of us rode bicycles aroound the top of the city walls this morning which I found rather a bumpy and painlful experience but also very interesting as we got to see a lot of the city. There are so many people living in such extreme poverty over here. I knew that's what I'd find but it's pretty shocking to actually see it. The beggars have small children that I'm told they buy and use to approach people for money. We're not meant to give them anything but they're so cute and they follow you for ages trying to hold your hand. It's really heartbreaking.
On a more positive note the people are so friendly. I haven't been asked to pose for a photo since I left Beijing but we get about 10-20 loud "HELLO"s and "WELCOME TO CHINA"s every day. The markets are pretty interesting places too! You get a constant barrage of "Cheaper for you" from all directions and if you stop anywhere they all try to dress you up in their clothes and say how fantastic you look. There are a couple of girls on the tour who have been travelling for 6 months and have got the haggle down to an art form. I've learnt a couple of tricks from them too. Yesterday I bought something (I won't say what it was as it's a present) and got the price down from 250 yuan to 65.
The foot massage yesterday was hilarious. For 60 yuan (about 4 pounds) we got beaten up for 100 minutes. I can't tell you how brutal it was but my feet feel great for it. I think there may have to be a few more of those happening in the not so distant future!
Lunch yesterday was the first time I ate something and had no idea what it was. They really don't see a lot of westerners around here so nothing's written in English and you can only guess so much about a dish from a picture. One of the things we got were these strips of white jellyish stuff in slimey sauce. I had 3 or 4 bits of it before I gave up but none of us could identify it or even tell whether it was animal vegetable or mineral. I think I may have eaten my first snake! The retaurant lastnight had several pages of entrails from various animals cooked in a number of ways. Amongst the dishes that seem more popular I've found chicken tendon kebabs, a plate of minced fish heads and a lot of tripe. And I'm going to have to tuck into a thousand year old egg at some point (they're actually only a few months old I'm told but I suppose after several weeks in a warm room they might as well be 1000 years old.
Well I'm off to see the terracota warriors tomorrow and then onto an overnight train to Shanghai so I'll catch up with you again there in a couple of days!
Bye for now!
Apologies for the limited information on the last post. News is we're in Xi'an and I'm nursing a hangover having guzzled one too many Tsing Taos last night. Otherwise feeling exceptional!
A few of us rode bicycles aroound the top of the city walls this morning which I found rather a bumpy and painlful experience but also very interesting as we got to see a lot of the city. There are so many people living in such extreme poverty over here. I knew that's what I'd find but it's pretty shocking to actually see it. The beggars have small children that I'm told they buy and use to approach people for money. We're not meant to give them anything but they're so cute and they follow you for ages trying to hold your hand. It's really heartbreaking.
On a more positive note the people are so friendly. I haven't been asked to pose for a photo since I left Beijing but we get about 10-20 loud "HELLO"s and "WELCOME TO CHINA"s every day. The markets are pretty interesting places too! You get a constant barrage of "Cheaper for you" from all directions and if you stop anywhere they all try to dress you up in their clothes and say how fantastic you look. There are a couple of girls on the tour who have been travelling for 6 months and have got the haggle down to an art form. I've learnt a couple of tricks from them too. Yesterday I bought something (I won't say what it was as it's a present) and got the price down from 250 yuan to 65.
The foot massage yesterday was hilarious. For 60 yuan (about 4 pounds) we got beaten up for 100 minutes. I can't tell you how brutal it was but my feet feel great for it. I think there may have to be a few more of those happening in the not so distant future!
Lunch yesterday was the first time I ate something and had no idea what it was. They really don't see a lot of westerners around here so nothing's written in English and you can only guess so much about a dish from a picture. One of the things we got were these strips of white jellyish stuff in slimey sauce. I had 3 or 4 bits of it before I gave up but none of us could identify it or even tell whether it was animal vegetable or mineral. I think I may have eaten my first snake! The retaurant lastnight had several pages of entrails from various animals cooked in a number of ways. Amongst the dishes that seem more popular I've found chicken tendon kebabs, a plate of minced fish heads and a lot of tripe. And I'm going to have to tuck into a thousand year old egg at some point (they're actually only a few months old I'm told but I suppose after several weeks in a warm room they might as well be 1000 years old.
Well I'm off to see the terracota warriors tomorrow and then onto an overnight train to Shanghai so I'll catch up with you again there in a couple of days!
Bye for now!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Mao Mao Hoo Hoo from X'ian
Meaning I'm fine (but literally (tiger tiger, horse horse)
A short one I'm afraid as I'm off for a foot massage under the bell tower. (don't worry it's all above board, or rather below the knees). Been having a fantastic time the past few days though rather tired. Been to the forbidden city, a martial arts show, the chinese opera, eaten proper Peking Duck, trekked through the jungle, done an overnight train and walked along 14km of the great wall. Very little to complain about actually. A lot of the others are having serious trouble with the local cuisine. On the Great Wall we had to stop every 20mins for one guy to hang his ass over the side! I can't wait for my turn! The toilets on motorways are worse than anyone ever told me though. Will include a photo ASAP. They are just rooms with holes in the floor that you have to squat over - no partitions. The Chinese stare a lot so you can find yourself, pants down over a stinking hole with a China man squating right next to you and checking you out from 2 feet away. It's enough to give anyone stage fright.
Shit, I have to go meet people. Will check in again ASAP!
A short one I'm afraid as I'm off for a foot massage under the bell tower. (don't worry it's all above board, or rather below the knees). Been having a fantastic time the past few days though rather tired. Been to the forbidden city, a martial arts show, the chinese opera, eaten proper Peking Duck, trekked through the jungle, done an overnight train and walked along 14km of the great wall. Very little to complain about actually. A lot of the others are having serious trouble with the local cuisine. On the Great Wall we had to stop every 20mins for one guy to hang his ass over the side! I can't wait for my turn! The toilets on motorways are worse than anyone ever told me though. Will include a photo ASAP. They are just rooms with holes in the floor that you have to squat over - no partitions. The Chinese stare a lot so you can find yourself, pants down over a stinking hole with a China man squating right next to you and checking you out from 2 feet away. It's enough to give anyone stage fright.
Shit, I have to go meet people. Will check in again ASAP!
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Ni hao!
Ok, this is going to be tough. Everything on the computer is in Chinese but I'll give it a shot. Can't actually see the blog either - I think there's some sort of security thing going on - maybe Blogger said something bad about General Mau.
It's different out here!
There are a lot of people everywhere - and I mean a lot. Westerners are something of a novelty - people stare at you at point blank range and shout Heelloo! when you walk past (just like the book said). I've had people come up to me and ask me to pose for photos with them, it's hilarious! And that's in the capital city! I can't imagine what it's going to be like when we get out into the countryside! There was this kid the other day that grabbed one of the guys in the group's hand and held onto him the whole way to the bar we were going to. Then he thought it would be funny to try to shove his hand up everyone's bum. That was first night - pretty embarassing! Mostly the kids are just amazed at us. You walk onto the tube and everyone's jaws drop.
The others in the group are cool. The're all about my age - most of them younger actually. I'm sharing with a Canadian guy called Chris who seems pretty cool so far. Actually there's abig group of 5 that all went to Cambridge Uni and did law together that are a bit more difficult to crack. They seem to want to do everything together which will hopefully change over time but when I have spoken to them there's one or two that seem determined to educate me about the entire history of China. I guess some of it is interesting but I hope they manage to chill out (or oot as Chris would say) soon!
Other news: it's unbelieveably hot, sweating all day. No squirts yet but it's on the cards - I've already said I'll eat anything to the guys in the group - looking forward to eating 'Tiger vs Dragon' (cat stuffed with snake).
No photos yet- need to get to a camera shop. Loads more news but not much time, having a great time. Later!
It's different out here!
There are a lot of people everywhere - and I mean a lot. Westerners are something of a novelty - people stare at you at point blank range and shout Heelloo! when you walk past (just like the book said). I've had people come up to me and ask me to pose for photos with them, it's hilarious! And that's in the capital city! I can't imagine what it's going to be like when we get out into the countryside! There was this kid the other day that grabbed one of the guys in the group's hand and held onto him the whole way to the bar we were going to. Then he thought it would be funny to try to shove his hand up everyone's bum. That was first night - pretty embarassing! Mostly the kids are just amazed at us. You walk onto the tube and everyone's jaws drop.
The others in the group are cool. The're all about my age - most of them younger actually. I'm sharing with a Canadian guy called Chris who seems pretty cool so far. Actually there's abig group of 5 that all went to Cambridge Uni and did law together that are a bit more difficult to crack. They seem to want to do everything together which will hopefully change over time but when I have spoken to them there's one or two that seem determined to educate me about the entire history of China. I guess some of it is interesting but I hope they manage to chill out (or oot as Chris would say) soon!
Other news: it's unbelieveably hot, sweating all day. No squirts yet but it's on the cards - I've already said I'll eat anything to the guys in the group - looking forward to eating 'Tiger vs Dragon' (cat stuffed with snake).
No photos yet- need to get to a camera shop. Loads more news but not much time, having a great time. Later!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
The day today
Protection from 'death by mosquito' - £80 !!!!!
2x stickers in my passport - £113 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Super Towel that absorbs 8x more - £35
Walking shoes (that broke on the first day) - £70
Realising the day before I leave that I have no foreign money, don't know what time or where my flight is from, the mosquito net's full of holes and that I left my credit card on a tab at the bar last night - Priceless
My heart's beating like a f****d clock and I'm desperate for food and sleep. And I haven't even left yet.
Well assuming I make it to the airport tomorrow here's the plan:
I wake up at 8 so that my mother can check her list of things she's sure I need (don't worry mum, syringes are in the bag) and ensure that I get to the airport a minimum of 4 hours before the flight takes off. Hopefully I can go to sleep for the first time in god knows how long without a belly full of booze and wake up revived and refreshed in Beijing.
Then this happens:
2x stickers in my passport - £113 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Super Towel that absorbs 8x more - £35
Walking shoes (that broke on the first day) - £70
Realising the day before I leave that I have no foreign money, don't know what time or where my flight is from, the mosquito net's full of holes and that I left my credit card on a tab at the bar last night - Priceless
My heart's beating like a f****d clock and I'm desperate for food and sleep. And I haven't even left yet.
Well assuming I make it to the airport tomorrow here's the plan:
I wake up at 8 so that my mother can check her list of things she's sure I need (don't worry mum, syringes are in the bag) and ensure that I get to the airport a minimum of 4 hours before the flight takes off. Hopefully I can go to sleep for the first time in god knows how long without a belly full of booze and wake up revived and refreshed in Beijing.
Then this happens:
So 13th - 2nd Aug I DO China ending up in Hong Kong where I'm on my own for a few days. Meeting Debs in Hanoi on 7th - I think - right Debs? I really should have booked a flight. 7th-23rd D + I paint Vietnam red and then go to mingle with the ladyboys in Thailand till 8th.
After that I'm available for a 2.5 week party before Bartlett drags me kicking and screaming back to the drawing board. Put me down as a yes for all invites!
Well I'll miss you while I'm out there! For a day or 2!
Yippee Ki-Yay Mofo Let's go
Sunday, July 09, 2006
My 15 Minutes!
Happy happy joy joy!
A couple of my various colouring-ins got published! and exhibited!
Building Magazine
http://www.building.co.uk/story.asp?storycode=3070379§ioncode=29
(you might not be able to see it unless you have an account, so go buy it, it's on page 15)
... or see it free here
A couple of my various colouring-ins got published! and exhibited!
Building Magazine
http://www.building.co.uk/story.asp?storycode=3070379§ioncode=29
(you might not be able to see it unless you have an account, so go buy it, it's on page 15)
... or see it free here
and they're at The Building Centre from
http://www.buildingcentretrust.org/xplorer/exhibitions.html
If you go down there they look like this:
Also I've been reliably informed that at least one of them will be in The Guardian in the next couple of weeks so everyone keep their eyes open (particularly on Mondays) for an article by Jonathan Glancey on the Thames Gateway. In it he will claim that Terry did all the work but don't believe the hype! If you see it, buy it and keep it in an oxygen tank until I get back!
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