Only a fool breaks his own heart

Well it's been a while now since the adventures ended and as some may know things have been a little different in my life since I got back! Seems a little pointless to keep up the blog but why the hell not? Feels even more like I'm writing into the ether now so I'll keep it a quick summary.

Started at the Bartlett on 25th September along with a few guys from Brookes and a mate from Farrells. Made it into my first choice unit with Colin Fournier, designer of the world famous Kunsthaus, Graz as well as the History and Theory module of my choice, both of which are intended to allow me to wriggle and squirm my way through the issue of sustainability and saving the world! The whole experience has been pretty great so far. Everyone in both groups has high IQs and EQs and having had my first crit on Wednesday have shown that they're not all bark and now bite! We have been warned about the standard that is expected from us so I'm going to have to pull something pretty fantastic out of the bag by the end of the year! I won't describe what I'm working on at the moment for fear of snickering but here's an image - work it out for yourselves!

I know what you're thinking - that's not architecture. But it is. I'm just way ahead of the game! Honestly.

There's just one question I've got to ask: Does my bum look big in this? Bu bhoom!

Well big shout out to all the people I haven't seen or heard from in a while. And good to see those of you that I have! (though you won't be reading this)

p.s. here are some ph'otos I got back from the printers a couple of weeks ago: Last time I do this

End of days + Snappy Snaps

Ph'otos 1
Ph'otos 2

If you pack boxes for a living the least you can do is have enough paper!

More Ph'otos

My dear Chinese entourage. This is how to pack a parcel. Look at him go! He had his own custom folding techniques and a sellotape dispensing utility belt. More expensive than your average Chinaman, but boy was he worth it.

Viet-Gone to Bang Kok

End of the road for Vietnam happened on schedule on 23rd and Debs and I have found ourselves in backpacker's paradise in the Gulf of Thailand. The rough has come with the smooth but it's been emotional. Long time since last we spoke so much to catch up on. I've posted some photos to assist: Ph'otos

I'm starting to lose track of everything that's happened. Here's a list of some of it:

Stayed in Hoi'An for 4 nights. Met loads of nice people. Much drinking. Much suffering. More drinking. Tailor made clothes (lot's of, very cheap!) Ho Chi Minh. Crap hotel, good food (couldn't eat the cow's penis and scrotum). Massage from a blind man. Hmmm. War remnants museum - best left out of the blog lest I offend the American audience (some very bad behavior). Palace or two, a number of temples/ pagodas. Cu Chi tunnels. My god they lived in those on and off for a couple of years! Couldn't shoot the AK47 after my conscience gave me a good bollocking but it was strapped to the sandbags anyway and cost more than they advertised.

Ok then plane to Bangkok which smells and is full of tourists and con artists. Debs and I made a simple request to go to a strip club and watch women perform unspeakable acts with various (inanimate!) objects (it's a tourist thing) and those immoral tuk tuk drivers took us first to the middle of nowhere to report to a bouncer we couldn't fit past to get through the door, and then to a street full of gay bars where our the driver explained that everything was closed due to a Buddhist festival and that if I hung around here for too long I would feel the wrong end of a ladyboy! Needless to say we told him to shove his crap advice along with his tuk tuk where the sun don't shine and hot tailed it to an Irish bar where we were given proper directions to the best venue on foot.

That won't be happening again. The show was only mildly controversial although the performing lady did manage to shoot a banana right across the room, skimming it across two tables to land in Debbie's lap which I was extremely impressed by. A triumph for womankind, surely if they can do they they must deserve equal pay! We've had good food and massages galor since that eventful night but nothing that would sound impressive when retold so I'll leave it at that. Actually, come to think of it, I did palate a number of fried cockroaches, crickets and larvae much to the admiration of several onlooking tourists none of whome would take the plunge when offered.

20 hours ago or so we were on a train from Bangkok which turned into a coach at 3am and then a boat finally delivering us to the shores of Ko-Tao this morning. Booked into a PADI course beginning tomorrow with an instructor called Fri (pronounced Free) who left Torquay 12 years ago and never went back. I'm starting to feel that way. Should be great. I'm off to bed.

Oh, I got selected for the first round for a scholarship at UCL (Whoopah!) for which I have to write a personal statement by next Monday stating my likely future innovations and contributions to the field of Architecture. What holiday fun! But it's worth an awful lot of money so wish me luck! Bye now

And here are Debbie's photos: Debbie

Good news everyone! I found a way to allow people to post comments without being a member. Even people I've never spoken to before! Of course this means I'll get a fair bit of heckling from stangers but that's to be expected. My thanks in advance to those people.

Wetter than it looks in the movies!

Well Vietnam is turning out to be a bit of a wet blanket. It rains here like I've never seen before. Debs and I booked a trip along the Perfume river in Hue yesterday to go and visit a bunch of temples and pagodas along the way. One of these happened to be Thien Mu where the monks all self-immolated themselves in the 60s but that was perhaps the only interesting thing about any of them. They haven't really got the money over here to look after things so all the attractions are falling down or have already.

It rained so hard all day that we could barely see each other let alone anything else (it was that bad that we both bought kaguls but still got wet and I broke my second umbrella of the holiday). There was one really exciting moment when we had to get on the back of motorbike taxis and scramble along dirt tracks for a few kilometres to get from the boat to one of the temples. There was about a metre of mud on the track and we were slipping and sliding everywhere along it. I actually couldn't believe the woman driving me managed to keep us up! Oh and we thought one of the temples was haunted due to unexplained noises and saw the biggest snake I've come across yet. Unfortunately Farmer Tang wasn't there this time to beat it into a frenzy but it was mildly exciting none the less.

The last couple of days before that were spent in Hanoi capital and then on a boat out to Halong Bay where we went round a cave called the 'A-MAZING' or 'SU-PRISING' cave. The only thing that really interested anyone was the most falic shaped rock I have ever seen. Really, I'll show a photo on the next blog. Our guides Do-In and Be-In were great, the former just there for Debs and I because we wanted to do the special activities. He took us to a floating fish farm where we drank some disgusting tea and some rather better sticky rice spirit that his wife brewed up. The local fella wanted us to stay for lunch and smoke his bong, but we already had a disgusting meal booked in on the boat as part of the tour so we had to decline.

Not much else to report other than I cooked myself lying on deck the other day (even though we never saw the sun) and have been wincing every time I've picked up my bag since. We're currently in Hoi'An having arrived on a coach this avo and are staying in perhaps the nicest hotel I have ever set foot in and had to pay myself. The cherry on the top is that it's costing us about 8 pounds each! So 2 nights here and then off to Ho Chi Mihn where we plan to visit VietCong tunnels and fire off big guns. Will let you know how it all goes. As long as the sun comes out soon I'll be as happy as Larry. Otherwise we'll ditch this bog and get off to Thailand ASAP to get our PADIs!

More kodak moments

Actually Blogger is being a hosehead but here's a link:

A Link

Fun time photos

Guffaw!

Hairy crabs anyone?

He's stronger than he looks!

Got one! Quick take the photo

No you're alright. He's gay

Bollocks, it was a bluff! He's buggered off with all the girls!

Goodbye China! Bonjour Vietnam!

Alone at last. Hmmm, what am I going to do now?

Well we arrived in Hong Kong, or rather Kowloon to be slightly more accurate on Tuesday afternoon. I'm terribly embarrassed to say that my vow never to drop the deuce on a Chinese sleeper train was broken and I had to go drop the kids off on the track. The food has finally taken its toll on my whimpering bowels and I've ben suffering somewhat in Hong Kong. Still, onwards and upwards!

Tuesday night the group went out for a last supper followed by a night on the town. There was great fanfare with present giving and merrymaking. I personally received a pair of white gloves, some ankle length tights, a sun visor, a wooden snake, a clothes drying rack, a ping pong ball, and some vacuum packed pickled chicken's feet. Oh, and bottle of Bi Jiao (local drinking petrol) all from my wonderful intrepid leader, Erin. The Bi Jiao went down in two glugs, but didn't sit too happily on top of the Mongolian vodka I had lined my stomach with for the evening. The upshot of it all was that I was shit faced enough to speak my mind for the majority of the night (sorry again Andy) and there was some wailing and gnashing of teeth as the evening progressed.

Needless to say the following day was uneventful. I did see the most beautiful building in the world (HSBC) and took a ride on a boat but since there was a bit of a problem with a typhoon jobby we got wet wherever we went and were all fairly miserable.

.....

Sorry for the pause. All of a sudden I realised I had to get on a plane and go to a different country. Well I'd better finish of my account of Hong Kong before I move on to Vietnam. Not much to say actually other than everyone drifted off one by one and then there were none! The Cambridge Massive didn't turn up to a very important meeting at which we were to see the Hong Kong light show and I was going to bestow on them a gift of one dried scallop each for being reasonably nice people! Ah well, I hope you all had as good a time as I did and that nothing I have written on this sight makes you believe that I didn't really enjoy meeting you all!

That said I must give a shout out to the Hose Head and our two groupies, partly because I said I would and partly to thank them for making my life for the past four weeks better than it was before. I hope by now you know how highly I think of you guys! Apologies for the misspelling of Toque, Hose Face but it's my blog so take off eh! Once left on my Tod sadness prevailed for some time. Although I actually saw more of the city without all the distractions, the fact that my room was too small for me to actually lie down straight started to irritate me more than it had done before for some reason and the lack of window bothered me somewhat also. I think I just missed everyone.

Well that's all done now and I'm in Hanoi with Debs.It was damn wet yesterday and today it's damn hot. Good news is they seem to have more crazy sh*t on the menu here than they had in most of China and they even have a dog restaurant area. Snake wine is everywhere - I've been avoiding it like the plague with my Delhi belly but Paul, you can look forward to some of this muck when I get back! Any more orders?

We saw Ho Chi Min's dead body this morning. Twice actually because we couldn't understand their camera confiscating system and had to go back round. That was weird to say the least, but nothing a few expensive bevvies wouldn't fix (Bia Hanoi at 4,000dong a pop is the delightful local tipple) (it's 30,000dong to the pound so you do the maths).

Last thing - Debs has a blog: debdeb.blogspot.com
It's not as good as mine but it's a start!

Oh, and what's happened to the comments? The good start has fizzled out and I'm feeling unloved. Big Mumma keep em coming, and I am washing my hands, don't you worry!

I'm melting!

The heat here is excrutiating. Indescribable. It's been so humid so far in China that a kind of smelly fog has blocked out the sun and kept us all safe. Well no more. A thunderstorm on Saturday cleared the sky and it's 99 farenheit outside. We trekked through the rice paddies of Longji for 5 hours yesterday and, unable to take the heat I removed my top.

Well I got a little burned and I've got the most ridiculous tan mark across my back and chest now where I was carrying my bag. Had to walk round with an umbrella all day today!

OK so when I left you I was eating breakfast at a Normandy cafe with cockroaches in the tables. We stayed at the Fawlty Towers Hotel that night and the one after which turned out to be not such a disaster as its namesake might suggest. I did hand some clothes in to be washed and got them back wet and smelly the next day but otherwise it was one of the best hotels so far. I was propositioned by 3 prostitutes along the 100m walk from the bar I was at to the hotel one evening but location isn't necessarily everything when you've had to sleep with grey pillows and a squat toilet in your room!

The stay in Yangshuo was rather action packed! We managed to go swimming through mud in a cave, cycle for miles in the pouring rain along dirt tracks, go Commorand fishing, climb a small mountain and still save enough time to get plastered on numerous occasions.

On Saturday we stayed at a guest house in the Longji valley. The scenery is perhaps the most amazing thing I've ever seen and the guesthouses were pretty interesting too. They build them themselves out of what smells like eucalyptus trees. I'd guess the the buildings are about 95% timber with no kind of insulation or anything and the plumbing is just a bunch of hoses leading in and out of the squat toilets. What this means is that if you're on the 4th floor you can hear people moving around in the reception. This morning we were woken up by the guesthouse's cockrels that cock-a -doodled from about 6-7 in the morning until we left at 9. I could hear Erin (the leader) shouting 'Motherf**er downstairs every time they made a noise. Anyway I have more to say but alas no time. Will try to fill in the blanks next time.

Thanks for all the emails. It's good to see lots of you are reading this. FYI Tom: Erin's the only yank in the group, The Hoser (meaning Canadian equivalent of a chav) (someone who wears a took, eats doughnuts and shovels snow)(Ricky, Lahey and co.)(Tom, check out 'Strange Brew' Canadian TV show) is Canadian. The rest are just happy to be on holiday and look cheesy.

Rats! We're in Yangshuo

I have a cold. But it's my fault I got too drunk.

The acrobatics were amazing, amongst other things we saw plate spinning whilst standing on poles, a woman that did ballet on her head on a pole and 5 motorbikes driving round the inside of the 'cage of death'. I've never seen anything like it!

Had an excellent day on Sunday. It was raining from the start and we got completely lost after the taxi driver dropped us of at a location of his choice. It was all going to sh*t when we bumped into a Chinese guy who offered to take a photo of us. He turned out to be a complete legend - Colin Powell (Xhiao), but he preferred and introduced himself as the former. He warned us against the tea house we asked him directions to and instead took us to one down an alley and up some stairs that turned out to be a lovely place although the toilets left a little to be desired. They were across the corridor in another building and were kept under lock and key but the bowl of rancid cabbage outside didn't bode well for a comfortable visit to the facility. I don't know who they were trying to keep out of here:

BOG

But the tea house was fantastic. We spent about 2 hours drinking all kinds of tea that were meant to do all kinds of stuff from releasing phlegm to increasing sex ability. I ended up buying some wood that you can drink or suck (can't remember what it does) as well as some ginseng and a bunch of other stuff. Here we are doing said activity (note Colin's 'God Bless America' cap):

COLIN POWELL

After that we bumped into a bunch of guys that turned into an even bigger group as we walked with them to some house down a back alley which turned out to have a shop operating from within. First thing I saw when we entered was a blot meat cleaver on the table but that sort of thing is perfectly normal in China. Anyway The Hoser and I managed to haggle a couple of Ralph Lauren shirts down to 95 Yuan for the two (about 3 pounds each) although we had to walk to the end of the street with a crowd following us for them to back down on the last 5 (they wanted 220 yuan for each when they started). After that we went out on the town and got stupendously lashed before climbing the Jin Mau Tower the next day and getting stuff together for a 26 hour train ride! Well we're now in Yangshuo, a smaller village towards the south. It's beautiful but unfortunately has some sanitary probs. There was a rat in the bar last night and cockroaches in the cracks of our tables at breakfast this morning poking their little antennae up for a taste of our noodles! There were swings at the tables in the restaurant though so that kind of made up for it. Anyway I got a few photos up, it's too difficult to post them all on this site as everything's in chinese. Here's the link to them:

THE LINK TO THEM

The most important one is the group photo I guess.

TEAM INTREPID

From left: Andy (Kenty, Kentish, Beefy); Kate (Kity Kat); {Fran; Joe; SJ; Steve} (Cambridge Massive); Alain&Mandy (The Outsiders); Chris (Hoser, The Hose Bag, Hose Head); Erin (Our Intrepid Leader) and Ching Chong (Panda Dundee). (Absent: me (taking the photo), John (Taking a shit centre-left behind wall), and Sarah (Rah Rah [K&S a.k.a The Blondes, The Girls etc.) (Presumably watching him)

Xie xie from Shanghai

We arrived in Shanghai this morning after another 16 hour journey on the train which was actually pretty fun. After a short detox period to get over the stress of London I'm off the tea and back on the brewskis (as my Canadian roommate would say). Night before last Canada Chris (aka 'The Hoser') taught us all how to play Poker (or rather Texas Hold'em). Now I feel like I can gamble like a real man, and I got off to a good start winning both tournaments on Thurs eve! Woo hoo! I won a load of ripped up paper and ten Jiao (almost a penny) but they'll all fear me and believe my bluffs on the next round.

Yesterday we went to go visit some mentally handicapped children at Huailing School to give them a donation and eat lunch with them. They got us all up to do the chicken dance with them and 'If You're Happy and You Know it Clap Your Hands'. It was a tough experience but really eye opening and I ended up really enjoying myself. The train ride was great too - learnt a new drinking game that you can play with cards which really got the group together. Feeling exhausted today though and I've got a touch of the lurgy that's been going round the group. Nothing eciting, just a sore throat. A couple of the others have still got the runs. One of them had it bad on the train which is really my worst fear - the bogs are digusting and they lock them at each station for obvious reasons because they just jettison their load onto the tracks. Some stops are half an hour though and John was "touching cloth" before he actually got into one.

We're off to the acrobatics tonight and hoping to get up to the top of the TV tower tomorrow for cocktails. Will try and post some photos tomorrow.

Till then ...

p.s. thanks for the comments. I can't see the blog at the moment (I think Mau's minions have blocked it for some reason) but I should be able to in Honk Kong so they're not wasted.

More loose bowel movements from the middle land

Today it really rained. I'm very wet.

Apologies for the limited information on the last post. News is we're in Xi'an and I'm nursing a hangover having guzzled one too many Tsing Taos last night. Otherwise feeling exceptional!

A few of us rode bicycles aroound the top of the city walls this morning which I found rather a bumpy and painlful experience but also very interesting as we got to see a lot of the city. There are so many people living in such extreme poverty over here. I knew that's what I'd find but it's pretty shocking to actually see it. The beggars have small children that I'm told they buy and use to approach people for money. We're not meant to give them anything but they're so cute and they follow you for ages trying to hold your hand. It's really heartbreaking.

On a more positive note the people are so friendly. I haven't been asked to pose for a photo since I left Beijing but we get about 10-20 loud "HELLO"s and "WELCOME TO CHINA"s every day. The markets are pretty interesting places too! You get a constant barrage of "Cheaper for you" from all directions and if you stop anywhere they all try to dress you up in their clothes and say how fantastic you look. There are a couple of girls on the tour who have been travelling for 6 months and have got the haggle down to an art form. I've learnt a couple of tricks from them too. Yesterday I bought something (I won't say what it was as it's a present) and got the price down from 250 yuan to 65.

The foot massage yesterday was hilarious. For 60 yuan (about 4 pounds) we got beaten up for 100 minutes. I can't tell you how brutal it was but my feet feel great for it. I think there may have to be a few more of those happening in the not so distant future!

Lunch yesterday was the first time I ate something and had no idea what it was. They really don't see a lot of westerners around here so nothing's written in English and you can only guess so much about a dish from a picture. One of the things we got were these strips of white jellyish stuff in slimey sauce. I had 3 or 4 bits of it before I gave up but none of us could identify it or even tell whether it was animal vegetable or mineral. I think I may have eaten my first snake! The retaurant lastnight had several pages of entrails from various animals cooked in a number of ways. Amongst the dishes that seem more popular I've found chicken tendon kebabs, a plate of minced fish heads and a lot of tripe. And I'm going to have to tuck into a thousand year old egg at some point (they're actually only a few months old I'm told but I suppose after several weeks in a warm room they might as well be 1000 years old.

Well I'm off to see the terracota warriors tomorrow and then onto an overnight train to Shanghai so I'll catch up with you again there in a couple of days!

Bye for now!

Mao Mao Hoo Hoo from X'ian

Meaning I'm fine (but literally (tiger tiger, horse horse)

A short one I'm afraid as I'm off for a foot massage under the bell tower. (don't worry it's all above board, or rather below the knees). Been having a fantastic time the past few days though rather tired. Been to the forbidden city, a martial arts show, the chinese opera, eaten proper Peking Duck, trekked through the jungle, done an overnight train and walked along 14km of the great wall. Very little to complain about actually. A lot of the others are having serious trouble with the local cuisine. On the Great Wall we had to stop every 20mins for one guy to hang his ass over the side! I can't wait for my turn! The toilets on motorways are worse than anyone ever told me though. Will include a photo ASAP. They are just rooms with holes in the floor that you have to squat over - no partitions. The Chinese stare a lot so you can find yourself, pants down over a stinking hole with a China man squating right next to you and checking you out from 2 feet away. It's enough to give anyone stage fright.

Shit, I have to go meet people. Will check in again ASAP!

Ni hao!

Ok, this is going to be tough. Everything on the computer is in Chinese but I'll give it a shot. Can't actually see the blog either - I think there's some sort of security thing going on - maybe Blogger said something bad about General Mau.

It's different out here!

There are a lot of people everywhere - and I mean a lot. Westerners are something of a novelty - people stare at you at point blank range and shout Heelloo! when you walk past (just like the book said). I've had people come up to me and ask me to pose for photos with them, it's hilarious! And that's in the capital city! I can't imagine what it's going to be like when we get out into the countryside! There was this kid the other day that grabbed one of the guys in the group's hand and held onto him the whole way to the bar we were going to. Then he thought it would be funny to try to shove his hand up everyone's bum. That was first night - pretty embarassing! Mostly the kids are just amazed at us. You walk onto the tube and everyone's jaws drop.

The others in the group are cool. The're all about my age - most of them younger actually. I'm sharing with a Canadian guy called Chris who seems pretty cool so far. Actually there's abig group of 5 that all went to Cambridge Uni and did law together that are a bit more difficult to crack. They seem to want to do everything together which will hopefully change over time but when I have spoken to them there's one or two that seem determined to educate me about the entire history of China. I guess some of it is interesting but I hope they manage to chill out (or oot as Chris would say) soon!

Other news: it's unbelieveably hot, sweating all day. No squirts yet but it's on the cards - I've already said I'll eat anything to the guys in the group - looking forward to eating 'Tiger vs Dragon' (cat stuffed with snake).

No photos yet- need to get to a camera shop. Loads more news but not much time, having a great time. Later!

The day today

Protection from 'death by mosquito' - £80 !!!!!
2x stickers in my passport - £113 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Super Towel that absorbs 8x more - £35
Walking shoes (that broke on the first day) - £70

Realising the day before I leave that I have no foreign money, don't know what time or where my flight is from, the mosquito net's full of holes and that I left my credit card on a tab at the bar last night - Priceless

My heart's beating like a f****d clock and I'm desperate for food and sleep. And I haven't even left yet.

Well assuming I make it to the airport tomorrow here's the plan:

I wake up at 8 so that my mother can check her list of things she's sure I need (don't worry mum, syringes are in the bag) and ensure that I get to the airport a minimum of 4 hours before the flight takes off. Hopefully I can go to sleep for the first time in god knows how long without a belly full of booze and wake up revived and refreshed in Beijing.

Then this happens:

So 13th - 2nd Aug I DO China ending up in Hong Kong where I'm on my own for a few days. Meeting Debs in Hanoi on 7th - I think - right Debs? I really should have booked a flight. 7th-23rd D + I paint Vietnam red and then go to mingle with the ladyboys in Thailand till 8th.

After that I'm available for a 2.5 week party before Bartlett drags me kicking and screaming back to the drawing board. Put me down as a yes for all invites!

Well I'll miss you while I'm out there! For a day or 2!

Yippee Ki-Yay Mofo Let's go

My 15 Minutes!

Happy happy joy joy!
A couple of my various colouring-ins got published! and exhibited!

Building Magazine
http://www.building.co.uk/story.asp?storycode=3070379§ioncode=29
(you might not be able to see it unless you have an account, so go buy it, it's on page 15)
... or see it free here

and they're at The Building Centre from
http://www.buildingcentretrust.org/xplorer/exhibitions.html

If you go down there they look like this:

Also I've been reliably informed that at least one of them will be in The Guardian in the next couple of weeks so everyone keep their eyes open (particularly on Mondays) for an article by Jonathan Glancey on the Thames Gateway. In it he will claim that Terry did all the work but don't believe the hype! If you see it, buy it and keep it in an oxygen tank until I get back!

Barcelona 2006

For those of you who have been bugging me to have a look at the photos from Debs and my holiday in Barcelona, and due to my extreme lack of organisation in actually remembering to bring them with me wherever I go; here are some of the highlights:

The hotel we stayed in at great expense. It was worth it.

More to come

The Road Not Taken

Since this blog is intended to keep everyone updated on my travels through China and the far east I thought it best to start with a mood setter for visitors and also give myself something to come back to on the internet for when I've just squatted over a hole or eaten a dog/ rat/ snake and need a reminder of why I decided to do this.

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.




Robert Frost